Captain's log

Captain's log

Stardate 082824

Tonight I find myself yearning for days past when Corporal Bean's bloody diarrhea was the biggest problem on board- as both dogs are now randomly vomiting, seemingly due to some chicken bones they found in a truckstop parking lot in Raton, New Mexico. Their own poor decisions continue to plague them.

My co-pilot/navigator has been incapacitated by what I can only describe as the Martian Death Flu and has descended into a NyQuil fueled, Vicks vapo-rub coated delirium, decidedly poor timing for the mission ahead this evening-

A 2am run of delicate transformer equipment from our staging area in Manassas Virginia through Washington DC and delivering at the farthest reaches of Long Island, the timing of which was chosen hopefully to avoid not only rush hour traffic in both directions, but open weigh stations as well, during the current DOT/Gestapo "blitz week".

Morale is at an all-time low as I hurdle towards America's anus, unsure of what lies ahead, and I'm not sure if it's the driving rain or my own sleep deprivation, but traffic seems light tonight , and I'm feeling confident there's a 63% chance my trusty steed Roger, reeking of vomit, dog farts and vaporub, will get me through this unscathed.